Michael Morarie:
It was sad, shocking and bittersweet to be able to see my older sister and her family last week. Once again the issue of what comes first, service to the Lord or the protection and nurturing of MKs played out in my mind...and why would the two concepts be mutually exclusive.
My sister was but sixteen years of age when she was left behind to be on her own while my parents took off for Bolivia again for another few five year terms. She has never been OK again and when I saw her I couldn't believe how tiny, frail and beat up she looked from the years of bulimia, anorexia and drug (prescription) and alcohol abuse. Although she is not drinking now, she still speaks with a raspy slur. It was amazing to me that my sister has survived this long. Honestly, she looked older than my eighty six year old mother! The years spent in an abusive, loveless marriage also have contributed to the already ferocious toll on her body and spirit. I was heartened to see that she still loves the Lord and she said she has very much enjoyed my CDs and that they bring her comfort. One of my MK friends served in Bolivia as a missionary until it was time for his daughter to graduate high school. Since he too bore the scars of abandonment, he resigned from the "field" and now works as a trainer for missionary candidates nearby to where his daughter is so he can be there for her. For the life of me I can't see why any one would imagine that God wants us to forsake and abandon our kids since it was he who gave them to us in the first place. I was gonna keep all this to myself but figured this is smack dab in the middle of MK experience. Its funny how so often I am sure that I am beyond the reaches of old feelings that used to cripple me, only to have experiences like seeing my sister again after thirteen years cave my heart in again! I never considered as a kid how huge the USA is and how living several states away from loved ones can eat up great amounts of time where communication is only via the phone and personal contact, face to face engagement, is truly a rare occurrence. I remember how difficult it was for me at nineteen to face this world in the States on my own without a clue and without the comfort of having my parents around. I cannot imagine what would have happened to me had I been sixteen years old....feeling sad in Castle Rock.
My response:
I am also crying with all of you! Michael thank you for sharing. Thank you Lisa Smith Ferreira for your words! I have read and reread this discussion about three times. So many of my feelings that you, other MKs whom I have never met are succinctly putting in to words! Lisa Smith Ferreira, I believe you should write a book! For years I have harboured feelings of resentment that I couldn't understand and that I felt guilty for having! Recently, when the US started the zero tolerance for immigrant children, I commented to a friend how I had been affected by abandonment as well to help him understand what the immigrant children were experiencing. Even though he was an adopted child, I couldn't get him to understand. So many answers have come to mind as to why various things happened. This discussion has added to my understanding and softened my heart just like the tears of grief have. My experience was not as harrowing as some of you, but still felt very deeply! I pray that the Peace that passes all understanding fill our hearts today and every day so we can continue our own personal part in ministry. God bless you all! I am glad to be part of this group!
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