Monday, August 6, 2018

Missionary Kid Feelings of Abandonment and the Recent Zero Tolerance for Immigrant Children in the US

Michael Morarie:

It was sad, shocking and bittersweet to be able to see my older sister and her family last week. Once again the issue of what comes first, service to the Lord or the protection and nurturing of MKs played out in my mind...and why would the two concepts be mutually exclusive.
My sister was but sixteen years of age when she was left behind to be on her own while my parents took off for Bolivia again for another few five year terms. She has never been OK again and when I saw her I couldn't believe how tiny, frail and beat up she looked from the years of bulimia, anorexia and drug (prescription) and alcohol abuse. Although she is not drinking now, she still speaks with a raspy slur. It was amazing to me that my sister has survived this long. Honestly, she looked older than my eighty six year old mother! The years spent in an abusive, loveless marriage also have contributed to the already ferocious toll on her body and spirit. I was heartened to see that she still loves the Lord and she said she has very much enjoyed my CDs and that they bring her comfort. One of my MK friends served in Bolivia as a missionary until it was time for his daughter to graduate high school. Since he too bore the scars of abandonment, he resigned from the "field" and now works as a trainer for missionary candidates nearby to where his daughter is so he can be there for her. For the life of me I can't see why any one would imagine that God wants us to forsake and abandon our kids since it was he who gave them to us in the first place. I was gonna keep all this to myself but figured this is smack dab in the middle of MK experience. Its funny how so often I am sure that I am beyond the reaches of old feelings that used to cripple me, only to have experiences like seeing my sister again after thirteen years cave my heart in again! I never considered as a kid how huge the USA is and how living several states away from loved ones can eat up great amounts of time where communication is only via the phone and personal contact, face to face engagement, is truly a rare occurrence. I remember how difficult it was for me at nineteen to face this world in the States on my own without a clue and without the comfort of having my parents around. I cannot imagine what would have happened to me had I been sixteen years old....feeling sad in Castle Rock.

My response:
 I am also crying with all of you! Michael thank you for sharing. Thank you Lisa Smith Ferreira for your words! I have read and reread this discussion about three times. So many of my feelings that you, other MKs whom I have never met are succinctly putting in to words! Lisa Smith Ferreira, I believe you should write a book! For years I have harboured feelings of resentment that I couldn't understand and that I felt guilty for having! Recently, when the US started the zero tolerance for immigrant children, I commented to a friend how I had been affected by abandonment as well to help him understand what the immigrant children were experiencing. Even though he was an adopted child, I couldn't get him to understand. So many answers have come to mind as to why various things happened. This discussion has added to my understanding and softened my heart just like the tears of grief have. My experience was not as harrowing as some of you, but still felt very deeply! I pray that the Peace that passes all understanding fill our hearts today and every day so we can continue our own personal part in ministry. God bless you all! I am glad to be part of this group!

Monday, December 31, 2012

40K TT 2:00 how - beats me!

Why no posts in a year!? Well after the crash in the Summer of 11 I didn't even attempt to see what was going on with the TT bike because I knew it was going to be expensive. So after basically Allan at CycleLogic telling me the bike was not safe it was back to the "you have to break it more." So I proceeded to pound the crap out of the fork to try to get it back into working condition. After doing this on two separate occasions the rig is now rideable, yes it pulls to the left and if I release the handlebars I will instantly crash. So I got back to the goal of riding the TT rig once a week and it paid off in 2012. Best time before - two years ago was 2:18.

10-20-12 on TrainingPeaks: 40K TT 2:00 how - beats me!

So on this day I remember leaving late, I was supposed to meet certain people, but missed 'em and then I ran into Joe because I had facebooked it saying I would be at a certain place at a certain time. So Joe and I talked, talked, and talked. It felt more like I was doing all the talking. In fact, I promised him that I would allow him to talk on our next ride together. So Joe has to get back and turns around so I continue on with the goal of going to Sommerset - I look down on my watch and notice I'm at 1:45 for the ride and I'm already on the straightaway at 410 SW so I decided to haul @ss and see what I could do with the TT PR(personal record). The last few miles I'm just leaving everything I have out on the road and it worked! I even went a bit further to make sure I got the full 40K! People always say that staying at a consistent speed is the best way to gain a PR on a TT course. This time I was lolly-gagging for three-quarters of the course and only hauled on the last bit. Go figure!

So why didn't I take that to the bank and try something at Gruene, well true-to-fashion for me I got injured playing soccer with the kids early on and tweaked my knee so I spun for about two weeks then getting back to it there just wasn't enough time to train well. I still did the tour! Slugged it out, but even the tour on the Litespeed Goat was not a piece of cake, but I finished!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Time Trial Caloi Rig Front End Trashed

Crashed the TT Caloi Rig today on the Salado Greenway after a blow-out going 24+ mph, front wheel taco/potato chip, carbon fork steerer tube bent, all the aero stuff on the profile design front end all banged up, derailleur hanger bent/bolt stressed, pride bruised, ribs bruised, legs bruised, right-hand bruised and hurting! Rid buddy Jens (the guy with all the tatoos-used to be a wrench) comes by on his mtb offers to get his car to drive me home. Then proceeded to do a 22 miler recovery/fart around ride on the Litespeed Goat!

That was my status to my team on facebook. Cycle-Logic, not that they were counting on me doing incredible things with the TT rig, but we all do what we can with and for the team. I'm happy that this year I was on track to do better than I had done two years ago. I look forward to continue my progress without the Caloi TT rig. You can see above all the stuff that needs to be fixed and that will take a while to cure due to the tough times. I guess I could do the time trial events a la Eddie Merckx probably on the Gruene TT and nothin' else. Oh well!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

New Family and Faith Friendly Goals

Well on my way on the weight loss front with 20 lbs shy! 100 Miler, 79 miler, 100K in 4:03 in the bank. Intervals on Thursday with Bike Mojo. Started planning the Brevet. Things are lookin' up! This was from March 15, 2011. So that was about a month ago, and since then another five pounds has gone. So March 24, 2011 and we're 25 shy of where I was at Christmas! So, I'm starting to think the Brevet is not the way to go, but I decided to continue to concentrate on weight loss and try to pick up speed.

So three weeks ago I had the best finish on a ride in a long time I did the time trial course as part of the Pancakes in Paradise and finished first. I averaged 19.6 on the way out and 18.9 on the way back. Best finish in a whole lot of years, back to where I was a couple of years ago.

One week later I completed the worst 100 miler in my life. Winds of up to 31 MPH! There was one time when I remember coasting and normally one coasts at close to 10 miles an hour. The wind kept me at 3 MPH. While I was in the 60s to the 90s I was the lanterne rouge (caboose club) then once I got to Brietzke and got some help from the wind I started passing a few folks and started averaging something better than 14finally. At least I was not last in the long run. But I do know what that's like. I found out a week later that many turned around at the escape route out from the south and didn't finish the freakin' 100!

Reevaluated everything with that one. Faith, Family, and friends don't need to be affected by something that's supposed to be fun and healthy! Decided to continue, but with lessened mileage and a different commitment to speed and team. The weight-loss needs to continue. If it doesn't I'll go back to base mileage and work with a club that can sustain long slow miles. No brevet for now because of time commitment!
So now what?! Where am I?!

On fiesta Friday Gabe and I went for a ride and he schooled me on speed, goals, and hills. I couldn't have asked for a better time!

So last weekend, after the abysmal 100, I tried to hang with Chainreaction on River Road and got dropped somewhere close to Tarpley and headed back home by my lonesome since everyone was doin' major miles. The next day I hooked up with some guys from the neighborhood that I was able to hang with until we got on the rollers on Southton. They stopped at the RR tracks two hills from the Shell and turned around so I turned around with them and again they smoked me and I lost 'em around Mission Espada. So yeah, we were averaging in the 20s, but I couldn't sustain forever so I'll work on that meanwhile.

So this weekend I went for a short ride that turned into a long ride by mistake cause I couldn't find my turnoff. I was able to conquer Old #9 with the Litespeed Goat, but unfortunately the descent was less than stellar! At times I was averaging 20 uphill, crazy winds! So on the way home it was hard, but never found the one hill that I was looking to descend!

Yesterday again, I went with Chainreaction and we cut the 40 something short to 30 something that went well, but again not stellar since the day before took too much out of me. Today was good with TT practice for 31 miles.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Season what Season!

So last week I did very well in a short distance time trial being that I was the first one back and averaged 19.6 on the way out then dropped to 18.9 on the way back. Thinking that I would have an awesome result like last week this week was a mistake because I totally blew out, blew up then dissolved with a brief come back at the end. So I resolve to reassess this whole cycling mess!

I blew out my back somewhere around thirty working too hard on the hills between Retama and Bulverde/46 then was hanging on the hills at 1863, but with some cramping issues then hung on after the 50 then from 70 to 90 I totally blew up - the wind was just more than I could handle! In fact I was the lanterne rouge from 70 to 90. Yes I admit it I blew off the hills on Schertz pkwy in liu of the flats on the back road to Selma. Then rejoined the route at 99 and finished with 101+

I always said that family, faith and friends come first! So why in the hell am I busting my butt for 7+ hours! This has gotta stop! I will go back to Family Faith and Friends and ride with the Hill Country Touring group until something amazing happens with my training. So if nothing happens not much will be reported here, unfortunately not like it has been a whole lot of posting anyway! Thanks for listening/reading! Have a great week!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Athletic Goals for the Year

Season's Goals:

Short-Term Goal: Concentrate on losing weight while building base miles. Thank you economy for the impetus.

Intermediate Goal: 200 Lbs - lean, massive, cycling machine! Top five on Thursday Night Bike Mojo Ride, Finish with the Chainreaction Racers, try Wheelmen again eventually and finish with the fast group.

Season: Race the TT again at Ironhouse, Race 100M on Wildflower, Race 100K beat
4:03 plan and complete a Brevet 200K distance event, and finish another triathlon same or greater distance. Support Cycle Logic Sponsors through referrals, participation and some racing :-)

Training Objectives:

+Plan rest ie periodization
+Hold/Concentrate on Long Ride (with weight loss speed will come)
+Fartlek - speed play
+Maintain Nutrition
+Explore on Rides combine Routes

Thursday, December 30, 2010

2010 Season Wrap-Up

When thinking about your accomplishments in fitness this season:

-What one word describes your 2010 season? Involvement - because this year I was involved in a lot, but didn't accomplish any racing and didn't hit the goal of 4k on the mileage, but I did work on it.

-Does it match what you said last December in anticipation of this year?No! I participated in a Tour, a Metric 100, and attempted a 100.

-What one word comes to mind when you think about your 2011 season? Endurathon - I still look forward to working on a randonée for the first time. The ones I've looked into have not panned out and the ones left would require some travel within the state. Not a problem! (FYI-Paris-Roubaix started out as a randonée).

-Did you race any new distance this year or try any new type of racing or sport? No, I attended some races to see what my team members were doing. If my times hadn't tanked in Sep I would have raced in Gruene in October. Both bikes are set up reasonably that a crit/road race or another Time Trial is not out of the question for 2011.

-What was your greatest thrill or joy this year from training or racing? Big tours such as the Wildflower and the Tour de Gruene.

-What was your biggest disappointment this year from training or racing? Not training regularly during the week, but with the stresses of family committments and work kept me busy.

-What was your favorite race in 2010? Favorite event was the Wildflower and the Bruehler Memorial Ride This was one of those events when I felt like part of the racing team because some of the racers also did the event!

-How important was the social aspect of your sport in 2010? Extremely! I know I'm a social being and enjoy the social aspect of everything that we do.

-If you had to name three people that made a difference in your training this year who would they be? Gabe Garcia for training insight, Luis Leal for the feeling of belonging in a club and Filip Vanacht for inspiration!